New Chapter = New friends

The past few weeks have been quite agonising as my fistula has hurt like hell when needling. The dopla scan came back clear which was a huge relief but then I got a letter from the hospital telling me I had got to go in for a fistulogram/plasty.  This was a huge shock as I didn't know there was anything wrong, after speaking to a couple of people at the hospital I finally found out that the surgeon wanted to see my arm under X-ray as the dopla may not of shown a narrowing and didn't want to risk it. Whilst under X-ray if there was a narrowing they would go ahead and do the plasty (stretch the vein with a balloon).

The date has had to be re-arranged as we are away the date they originally gave and so now its rescheduled for the 17th July. At first I was very angry at not being told why I was going in for this procedure and just  receiving a letter with no explanation, this has now turned to relief as the other day it took me 1 and half hours to put my needles in.

For those who read my blog will know I speak my mind and I got so upset, the worst I have ever been. I threw my needles, I cried, I screamed, I actually gave up. I wanted to die, I have not felt like this in many many years but the thought of doing this day in day out just depressed me to the core. Luckily Chris was there to support me and eventually we got two needles in and I managed a very very painful dialysis session.

Now it's just a case of taking each session as it comes till the procedure and hope for the best.

Communication with the hospital has been very poor lately which is a shame as I thought it was improving. After my last stay in hospital I was supposed to be seen in clinic within 3-4 weeks it has been over two months now.

It has been quite stressful with certain things going on and I had not had time to get to the hospital to get some blood bottles so I have had no bloods taken for June either.

Previously when I needed my fragmin, Cinacalcet and blood bottles the hospital has said not to worry they would get a member of staff to drop off when they are in the area. I rang last week to say I needed them within two weeks and guess what - no one can come so I now have to squeeze going up to the hospital before I go away.

So yet again anger begins to seep in although I was warned that once you are a home haemo patient you do get forgotten about...not enough staff for the amount of patients wanting to go home....

For every negative there is a positive though I have been given a date for nocturnal finally only 8 months delayed..... so one less needle to use and I get a newer machine so let's focus on the positive hey!

Recently I came across a charity called Jo's dreams. It was set up by an amazing lady called Denise who's sister Jo passed away due to renal failure. Jo believed that every dialysis patient should have at least one time in their life where they can forget what they are going through and enjoy something so Denise set this charity up in her memory.

Denise was asking for worthy renal patients who deserved a treat and a very good friend of mine nominated me, I was touched and felt very undeserving.

They got round me by saying have a treat which would benefit Chris and jaz as well so they have arranged a lovely weekend at Center Parcs with spending money, which we have used to book activities whilst  we are there.

Jo's dreams were also holding a charity ball which me and Chris attended and it was such an amazing night, I laughed and cried and made new friends. Been such a long time since I had a night like that and even felt like a princess in my ball gown which a lovely friend lent me.

Over the past few weeks I have realised I have some amazing new friends in my life which mean so much to me already.

With having stress of the jinxed car we brought plus other things they have been there for me.

I have even started swimming thanks to the encouragement of them.. well that was until I started with this cough which I am now being treated for a chest infection, second lot of antibiotics, second steroid inhaler.

I have enjoyed a couple of nights out and am even part of a yummy mummies group at school - such a great group of gals!!

I have come to realise with my family and my close friends the world can keep throwing this crap at me but I'm throwing my positivity back at it.

COSMIC ORDERING is the way forward

TTFN

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