Well tomorrow I go to Birmingham for my clerking ready for the transplant. I finally got my date for the 21st March. I will have my bloods taken and meet the surgeon and they have offered to show me around the ward where I will be going. I will start off on high dependency at first and then move on to a normal ward after I start to get better.
To think the transplant is next week makes my stomach flutter and I feel all sick.
Although it is exciting to think of all the things I will be able to do if all goes well, I also have so many anxieties as well.
My mind keeps wandering and I go into a trance like state just feeling so scared. I'm scared of not coming back and seeing my beautiful daughters smile again, I'm scared of not having a big hug off my husband.
There is so much I am scared of losing but I know I have to take this chance as if I don't dialysis will eventually kill me and I will lose it all anyway.
My mood is up one minute and down the next, I don't know whether I'm coming or going and I hate feeling this way.
I am trying my best to remain positive but I can't help those niggles in my head!
So as I said tomorrow I am in Birmingham and again the day after and then that's it till I go in. My daughter has her ballet exam on Saturday so I am pleased I will be here to take her to that.
Unfortunately I will most likely be in for mother's day but you never know someone may bring jasmine to see me in hospital! It would be the first time I hadn't seen my daughter on mother's day.
Most of my suitcase is packed and plenty of lists done for the in laws for when they come.
So this will be my last post before the transplant if all goes ahead.....
TTFN (NOT GOODBYE)